


Denial

by margarks



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-15
Updated: 2010-09-15
Packaged: 2017-10-11 20:33:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/116803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/margarks/pseuds/margarks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John feels guilty and Rodney helps him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Denial

**Author's Note:**

> ***Warnings*:** teeny tiny bit of bondage, and possibly super-slight non-con (but really it's an objection to the bondage, not the sex)
> 
> Thanks to wesleysgirl for the beta! Much appreciated!
> 
> Basically, after listening to the audio commentary and hearing that they debated over whether they should make a big deal that this was the first time John had killed a human on the show, I had an idea of how John might deal with everything he had to do during The Storm/The Eye. Even though he's a soldier... I still think 60+ killings, most of which hadn't even fired a shot at him yet, would make anyone feel pretty guilty.

"Harder, Rodney, Christ." John's hands were pressed flat against the wall, his body pushing back with each thrust of Rodney's cock. For one brief moment, John could hear Rodney's voice in his head – ' _for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction'_ – then it was drowned out by the groans and grunts that escaped Rodney's throat as they fucked.

John's shaft was an angry red, jerking against his belly each time the head of Rodney's cock brushed his prostate. He was dripping pre-come on himself, but he refused to give in, concentrating all his energy on keeping his hands on the wall, on forcing himself to wait, to leave his cock untouched.

Rodney tried to reach around, to wrap his hand around John's shaft, but John slapped it away. "No."

"John, I'm close," Rodney groaned, slamming into John's ass.

"I know," John said, letting his forehead fall against the wall. "Go on. Come inside me."

"Oh, god." Rodney's hands flew to John's hips, gripping him painfully. John moaned his encouragement, closing his eyes and picturing the bruises Rodney's fingers would leave against his skin.

John's muscles flexed, tight and sore, as Rodney split him open. The rough glide of Rodney's cock inside him made John see stars. Heat enveloped him, sweat running down the side of his face, hands itching to move over his cock, his nipples, _anything_.

John slapped at Rodney's hand again, growling a little this time.

"Let me!" Rodney snapped, rhythm fractured and broken as his orgasm approached.

"Just." John pressed himself against the wall, making their angle awkward and uncomfortable, but Rodney never faltered. "Come on, Rodney. Give it to me. Fuck me," John said, teeth gritted as his dick glided against the too smooth surface of the wall.

"Jesus!" Rodney hissed, and John felt Rodney's cock throb as he came in John's ass.

John groaned, closing his eyes and letting the sensation wash over him. It burned through him like a raging forest fire, cleansing in its wake. He whimpered, panting, his cock still hard and aching against the cold slickness of the wall.

"John." Rodney tried to pull him away, turn him, but John just shook his head. Rodney let loose a frustrated groan. "Fine! You know what? Next time you feel the need to punish yourself, find someone else to do it!" John didn't turn as he heard Rodney stomp towards the bathroom.

He'd be worried, except he knew Rodney didn't mean it.

When he knew he was alone, John pulled the handkerchief from his discarded trousers and jerked himself until he came against the soft white cloth. He didn't know why he wouldn't let Rodney touch him. He used to. Used to love it, ache for it, the feel of Rodney's palm gliding against his flesh. But now he couldn't stand the idea. Not because he didn't _want_ Rodney's hand on him, but because he didn't deserve it.

He heard the shower turn on, and thought about joining his lover, but again he denied himself.

He'd killed before. John had no qualms about defending himself. And he definitely had no problem defending Rodney, Elizabeth, or Atlantis. But even two months later, he couldn't shake the feeling he'd had in those few seconds before he shot the soldiers that had been barely visible in the smoke-filled room. The feeling that he wasn't exactly fighting fair.

It was ridiculous, he knew. They were hostiles and they'd given up any rights they'd had the moment they took Rodney and Elizabeth hostage. But that didn't stop John from counting the bodies in his head. Sixty. Possibly sixty-one if John was lucky and Kolya was dead.

Fifty-eight of those men had died without even a chance to defend themselves.

John was just slipping beneath the covers when Rodney returned. He curled onto his side, facing the wall, and could feel Rodney's eyes on his back. He wasn't surprised to hear the familiar frustrated sigh just before the bed dipped and Rodney's arm slipped around his waist. "You're an idiot, you know that?" Rodney said, kissing the nape of John's neck.

John didn't bother to deny it.

"He would've killed us all and taken Atlantis for himself," Rodney said, his voice hushed.

John wrapped his arm around Rodney's wrist and pulled, tightening his embrace. This was something else he didn't deserve, but unlike the other, John couldn't deny himself Rodney's embrace. Sometimes, when the city was quiet and John had too much time to think, it was the only thing that kept him sane.

Rodney's breathing evened out as he surrendered to sleep. Several hours later, John followed.

~~

Rodney's hands shook as he waited outside John's quarters. It was three months to the day since the storm and John still wasn't dealing with it. Rodney had nothing but scorn for Heightmeyer's psychobabble, but he was getting so desperate to help John that he'd even suggested a visit to her. John had refused, of course.

Actually, John had denied the need for it.

Rodney wasn't sure his plan would do any good. In fact, he worried it would make things worse, and that scared him. Every time he was forced to do the impossible for Atlantis, Rodney's confidence didn't let him do anything but believe he would succeed. But this thing with John... Rodney had never been confident in his relationship with his lover. He constantly questioned John's reasons for being with him; never aloud, never to John. But to himself Rodney admitted that John could do so much better. Hell, John could have anyone in Atlantis, the mainland and probably ninety-five percent of the worlds they visited.

He screwed up his courage, and keyed the door to open.

It didn't take long for him to coax John into position, it never did. John was on his back, writhing on Rodney's fingers, and holding his knees spread while Rodney stretched him. His cock was flushed red, and Rodney wished that he could take time to touch John, to bring him to orgasm with his fingers or his mouth. But Rodney knew John wouldn't allow it so he didn't bother even trying.

Instead, Rodney pulled his fingers free and lubed his cock with a few quick strokes. Then he pushed in, hard and fast, just like John was always demanding. When he bottomed out, Rodney paused to catch his breath, staring down at John's face, his closed eyes and the flush in his cheeks.

Then he wrapped his fingers around John's wrists and pulled them together above his head. And before John's eyes could flutter open, Rodney had put the restraints on.

"Rodney? What the fuck?" John tugged at the restraints.

"Let me, John." Rodney leaned forward and kissed John's angry lips. "I'm tired of you punishing yourself for something you don't deserve."

Rodney rocked his hips, sliding in and out of John gently. He angled himself so that he would give John the maximum amount of pleasure he could, hitting his prostate as much as possible. Then he reached out and wrapped his hand around John's cock.

"Rodney, stop." John's voice was rough, broken.

Rodney stopped rocking just long enough to bend and twist so that he could suck a soft nipple into his mouth. John moaned, arching, and Rodney wanted to shout in triumph. He licked and suckled until he could feel John's nipple bead between his lips.

" _Rodney_."

"That's it." Rodney started fisting John's cock again, his hips rocking in time to each stroke. "Want to see you come. Want to _make_ you come. God, I missed this. I love you." Rodney whispered against John's lips. "You didn't do anything wrong." Rodney can feel John's body tightening beneath him. "You saved Elizabeth. You saved _me_." Rodney quickened his strokes, rubbing the head with his thumb each time.

"Oh, fuck!" John's body spasmed around him, his cock pulsing in Rodney's hand.

"Thank you, John. Thank you." Rodney groaned as he came, kissing John again, hard. He wasn't even sure why he was thanking John. If it was for what he had done during the Genii invasion, or for finally letting Rodney touch him again. Even if it wasn't entirely his own choice.

Rodney wanted to collapse, but he was careful to pull out and roll so as not to crush John. He lay there for long minutes, exhaustion taking over now that the adrenaline his earlier fear had caused was finally abating.

"Rodney, let me go." John finally broke the silence.

Rodney tried to read his expression, but couldn't. He nodded then, and pressed the locking mechanism to free John's wrists. Rodney wasn't going to apologize. He waited, tense and afraid that this had been the last time he'd ever be in John's bed again.

Then warm arms were wrapping themselves around him, and John buried his face against Rodney's shoulder. "I love you, too."

Rodney's whole body sagged in relief. It wasn't a solution, Rodney knew, but it was a step in the right direction. "Will you go see Heightmeyer now, John?"

John didn't answer and Rodney was beginning to think he'd fallen asleep. Or was at least pretending to have fallen asleep. He sighed, resigned to having to force that issue as well.

Then, almost too soft for him to hear, John whispered, "Yeah." And Rodney knew, for the first time in months, that everything would be all right.

THE END.


End file.
